Ralph Lauren Bed Linens
I need help re-writing my quote?
Here is my quote:
"The hardened detective glanced at his rookie partner and mused that whoever had coined the term 'white as a sheet' had never envisioned a bed accessorized with a set of hazelnut, 500-count Egyptian cotton linens from Ralph Lauren complemented by matching shams and a duvet cover nor the dismembered body of its current occupent."
I have to re-write it so it isn't so wordy but it catches the general meaning. I'm having SUCH a hard time. Can someone help me?
"The hardened detective glanced at his rookie and mused that whoever coined the phrase 'white as a sheet', had never envisioned a bed accessorized with (500-count) hazelnut Egyptian cotton linens, complemented by a matching duvet, nor imagined the dismembered body of its current occupant."
Give this a try. The 500 count is in brackets coz its optional. Remember when you write you do not need every detail. Ppl have great imaginations so only tell them what is relevant to the story, or it drags on. Using the right words as opposed to so many words does the job just as well. Good Luck.
Possibility [6]
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